Sniggerlings: "Bet on Me!"

Sniggerlings: Bet on me!

 

      Hey, don’t tell my new pastor, but for thirty years I bet the ponies in Southern California and other places with the advent of the Internet and closed circuit TV. I never beat ‘em. Didn’t lose a lot of money and had some fun. It could have been a lot worse.

      But, one of the most popular angles for years was betting a horse adding Lasix, a diuretic drug that was supposedly like aspirin. It not only flushed water out of a horse’s system before a race but was an analgesic painkiller for older horses and allegedly masked other, illegal drugs in their systems. At first, it was rare to see a horse adding Lasix, so the angle was to play any horse introduced to it the first time. Later, the play was added, to bet a horse coming off Lasix the first time. I discovered that adding Lasix was indeed a good sign if the horse looked otherwise okay and well meant that day.

      But then more and more and younger and younger horses -- even horses that had never run before -- began showing up with Lasix first time.

      Last time I looked it was hard to find a horse not on Lasix.

      But that was in my misspent youth. Recently, I had a start when I began taking a diuretic named Furosemide for high blood pressure. One day I noticed that what I was swallowing with my fries and chili dog was the generic name for Lasix. Now I had something more in common with thoroughbreds: mutual connections at the pharmacy. I missed out on betting on me, though: I noticed too late. But now my doctor has taken me off Lasix, and I’m ready for a prime bet in the right spot.

      By the way, this is my contribution to the world of horse race angles: If you see a thoroughbred taking a poop in the post parade in front of the stands, that is a very good sign. Think about it: weighs ten pounds less than when it weighed in earlier on the scales, is relaxed, and exhibits a certain lack of respect for the other competitors. My recollection was it won 60% of the time; unfortunately, I only saw that angle come up(or down) a dozen times in thirty years. You could go bankrupt waiting for the thing to happen.mm