"Mikey Likes my Salami"

"Mikey Likes my Salami"

     At Dollar Tree, a small chain of stores that feature no price other than $1, I often buy $1 worth of Bar S Salami. This is the partial culmination of a years long search for a lunchmeat I could stand to eat. Unfortunately, I remember the old days(before Richard Nixon) when bologna tasted good and looked yummy, especially fried bologna. They used to put spices in it, like it actually came from the city in Italy that it was named for -- Bologna, Italy(like frankfurters from Frankfurt, Germany; hamburgers from Hamburg, Germany; Parmesian cheese from Parma, Italy; and nice girls from Nice, France.)  With Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread: mm-mm-mm-mm-mm! Add Twinkies and an ice cold glass bottle of Grape Nehi or Dr. Pepper, a feast!

     But the baloney they have now is made of chicken lips and meat byproducts with the FDA approved maximum of insect parts and rodent feces -- and tastes like silly putty used to. Yes, I was a connoisseur of flavorless toys(Here’s a hint -- avoid Playdough and white paste also; they smell great but taste bad. Also, don‘t chew on Barbi‘s toes -- people won't let you play with their children after that.)

     As I was saying, these baloneys today have no spices or savory appearance, as if they were flavored with, and colored by, paint the same hue and taste as sand dunes near Marrakesh. So, I’ve been searching, and I found the above-mentioned coldcut, which is not bad, and inexpensive, although it seems to spoil easily. Still made of chicken beaks and turkey ears, but it has some taste.  I didn’t know whether my wife, Sandy, would let me buy it without a discouraging word, until the day I opened the leftovers package and found holes in a slice. It seems she’d been feeding it to her cat, Mikey, and Mikey likes it, too(anybody remember the old commercial, “He won’t eat it. He hates everything”? Note: Mikey the cat is a ‘she‘.)

     So, thanks to Mikey, I knew there would never be a word said. I could keep my salami. Now I’m searching for Ice Cream that is just … Ice Cream.  mm

p.s., I recently found out Mikey likes classic Spam, too.  We may have more in common than I thought..m